Wonderful Funny Quotes. Our collection of witty funny pictures of funny saying which are short words, easy to remember but still hilarious phrases. Need a good laugh? Check out these 75 funny quotes and sayings about life to smile on your face. Repeat or copy these quotes out to your friends to make them laugh!
You can find laughter, pics of funny, humor, and wisdom in these. You may discover fascinating of them to inspirational words of encouragement to lift you up. “Seek the counsel of him who makes you weep; and not of him who makes you laugh.” looking for funny lines and jokes to share your best friends and which one to be good and laugh without to aggravate them to say like short funny quotes and humorous lines. You can take your “I’m okay” hat off now. It’s just me. Fall apart. I’m not going anywhere.
Funny quotes of the day Herpes, we cut the burrito in half That way I could have my piece and she could have herpes. My friend Hector just told me jokes and I laughed so hard I almost cheat my pants.
Funny Quotes and Sayings
1. “I have to keep reminding myself that I’m an adult and will be charged as one.”
2. “Just before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernnels. My cremation is going to be epic!”
3. “I’d walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire, that would be dangerous. But a super humid room…but not too humid because, you know.. my hair.”
4. “You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now im scared!”
5. Next time a stranger talks to me when I’m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly “You can see me?”
6. “The strongest people make time to help others, even if they are struggling with their own problems.”
7. “One minute you’re really young and cool… and the next, you’re getting all excited about a new vacuum.”
8. “If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I would fart…”
9. “Friends buy you a lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.”
10. “That moment when you realize it wasn’t a fart”
11. “I am tremendously not sorry that my sense of humor has offended your utter lack of it.”
12. “A person that truly loves you will never let you go, no matter how hard the situation is.” – Funny Quotes and Sayings
13. “Netflix and tuck myself in by 9”
14. “I have an angel on one shoulder, and a devil on the other. I’m also deaf in one ear.”
15. “The only advantage you have over me is you can kiss my ass and I can’t”
16. “Je kunt better een nacht je slapen over wat je wilt doen, dan wakker liggen over wat je gedaan hebt ( I’m getting better at the end of the day, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. )”
17. “I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say “your password is incorrect.”
18. “The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.””
19. “Camping: Where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.”
20. “Don’t judge me cause I’m quiet. No one plans a murder out loud.”
21. “I’ve found puddles deeper than you.”
22. “My scars tell a story… They are reminders of when life tried to break me, but failed.”
23. “I wanted to go jogging but proverbs 28:1 says “The wicked run when no one is chasing them” so there’s that.”
24. “If your significant other is mad at you put a cape on them and say ‘Now you’re super mad!’ if they laugh marry them.”
Short Funny Quotes About Life
Share the best funny quotes collection by famous authors and comedians. Join the fun with our Funny Quote of the Day on the web, Facebook and blogs. Easy to read the list of the most hilarious phrases ever spoken. Perfect for sharing your best friends and family. Our collection of short funny quotes which are short, straight to your head and mind-blowing.
25. “My dream job would be the karma delivery service.”
26. “Real girls are never perfect and perfect girls are never real.”
27. “If it requires fake smiling I probably won’t come”
28. “Trust me, you can dance.”
29. “I was startled by a loud fart. I was fartled.”
30. “Somebody asked me if I knew you. A million memories flashed through my mind but I just smiled and said I used to.” – Funny Quotes and Sayings
31. “You call them swear words. I call them sentence enhancers.”
32. “When you’re so sarcastic people aren’t sure whether you’re joking or whether you’re just crazy.”
33. “No, I checked my receipt. I didn’t buy any of your bullsh*t.”
34. “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.”
35. “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you… blocked & deleted. You may now… … Kiss my ass”
36. “Keep talking… I’m diagnosing you”
37. “The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.”
38. “Some people are like clouds when they disappear its a brighter day.”
39. “I’m having people over to stare at their phones later if you want to come by…”
40. “You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.”
41. “The rock looking more like the pebble…”
42. “I just stepped on a cornflakes. Now, I am officially a cereal killer.”
43. “I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.”
44. “He said, there was no spark between us anymore. So I tasered him!!! (I’ll ask him again, when he wakes up)”
45. “I have mixed drinks about feelings”
46. “’Dammit I’m mad’ is ‘Dammit I’m mad’ spelled backwards.”
47. “A negative person sees the glass of water half empty. A positive person sees it half full. A realistic person adds two shots of whiskey and says cheers.”
48. “Saying “Oh yeah, I remember” when you really don’t.”
49. “Some days I amaze myself. Other days I put my keys in the fridge.”
50. “Other people: Gosh darn it Me: God fucking fuck ass shit damn cockwaffles”
51. “Wrestling: a sport where people without pants fight for a belt.”
52. “Please forgive me if I don’t talk much at times. It’s loud enough in my head.”
53. “I hate when a couple argues in public and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.”
54. “Going back to your ex is like reheating your McDonald’s fries…”
55. “Revenge is not in my plans… you’ll fuck yourself on your own.”
56. “Some people are just like trees… They take forever to grow up!”
57. “During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles. Who the fuck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?”
58. “That awkward moment when you take a shower in the middle of the day and you’re not sure if you should put on normal clothes or pyjamas.”
59. “The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.””
60. “Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.”
61. “An apple a day will keep anyone away, if thrown hard enough”
62. “Pin this potato in every board for no reason”
63. “H.O.M.E.W.O.R.K. Half of my energy wasted on random knowledge!!!”
64. “I don’t like to brag but today I washed and dried a load of clothes on the same day without forgetting I had stuff in the washer… It’s like I’m some kind of domestic ninja…”
65. “School is just an endless cycle of “I just need to make it through this week” every week”
66. “I shook my family tree and a bunch of nuts fell out!”
67. “It’s better to look back on life and say: “I can’t believe I did that.” Than to look back and say: “I wish I did that.””
68. “Once you become fearless, life becomes limitless.”
69. “Sometimes you might feel like no one’s there for you, but you know who’s always there for you? Laundry. Laundry will always be there for you.”
70. “I don’t care how old I am I’m going on the bouncy castle”
71. “I may look like I’m doing nothing… But in my head I’m quite busy.”
72. “I don’t mean to interrupt people I just randomly remember things & get really excited”
73. “I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief”
74. “Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.”
75. “My diet plan: Make all of my best friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look!”
Funny pictures Quotes & Images
Looking for the best short Funny pictures Quotes, memes and Sayings about Life, Friends, Love & Family with Images. Inspirational funny quotes from movies for Facebook & Tumblr. funny quotes Pic’s pictures can be used on other websites.
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