Collection : 42 Funny Jokes Minions Quotes With Minions

Best Funny Minion Jokes. Funny minion quotes and jokes to make you laugh all day. These funny Minion quotes and lines are some of the most memorable moments from the movie. The Minions movie is all about the lovable, See more ideas about Minion quotes, Minions funny, Minions quotes.

1. “No I didn’t say you were stupid. I said you are stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.”

2. “Remember, if we get caught, you are deaf and I don’t speak English!”

3. “Only I thing I can say is “Really”?”

4. “People are created to be loved. Things are created to be used. The reason why the world is in chaos is because things are being loved and people are being used.”

5. “Work, really? Again? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?”

6. “I’m gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before new year and when they arrive I’ll say I ordered this a year ago, lol”

7. “It takes real skill to choke on air, fall up stairs and trip over completely nothing. I have that skill…”

8. “I might be crazy but you are stupid and medicine doesn’t fix that.”

9. “If you see me smiling it’s because I’m thinking of doing something evil or naughty if you see me laughing it’s because I’ve already done it!”

10. “Of course I talk to my self. Sometimes I need expert advice.”

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11. “Note to self: Double up on the happy pills for a week.”

12. “Some people remind me of old TV sets. You have to hit them a few times until they get the picture.”

13. “I’ve finally lost my mind. If found, don’t bother to return it. It wasn’t working properly anyway..”

14. “I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else about what come out of my mouth.”

15. “Hey autocorrect, quit tampering with my curse words, you mother forklift!”

16. “That moment when you walk into a spider web and suddenly turn into a karate master.”

17. “Fighting online is so stupid I mean… what are you going to do? Busta caps lock on me?”

18. “I’m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago…”

19. “We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… after I finish laughing…”

20. “If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life vest… I would miss you so much.”

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21. “I hate that moment when you’re tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed, your body is like just kidding..”

22. “I’m in desperate need of a 6 month vacation twice a year”

23. “Raise your hand if you have a bad habit of laughing at serious moments.”

24. “So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out”

25. “It’s ok to talk to yourself, it’s even ok to answer yourself… But when you ask yourself to repeat what you just said, you have a problem!”

26. “Dear god, I have been very good today. No grumpy thoughts, no swearing, no smacking people in the head and no whining at all. But I’m about to get out of bed now, so I may need your help with the rest of the day.”

27. “Blonde’s walk to heaven a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all die. In order to get into heaven though, they must go up 100 steps, each containing a joke. The trick is that they must not laugh. The brunette goes first and laughs at the first step and is sent to hell. The redhead goes next and makes it to the seventh step before she laughs. Finally, it’s the blondes turn. She gets all the way to the 99th before she”

28. “I’m that type of person that tries to fall back asleep in the morning just to finish a dream.”

29. “You know how you can smack something to get it to work? I wish I could do that with people.”

30. “I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says: “Haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.”

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31. “Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. Help end the violence. Eat bacon.”

32. “I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say: “Hey look, that one is shaped like an idiot.””

33. “I hate it when people are at your house and ask ‘Do you have a bathroom?’ No, we pee in the yard.”

34. “Friend boyfriend girlfriend bestfriend everything has an end except family => it has I love you if you love your family click like and share”

35. “Stress = shit to remember every single second.”

36. “At my funeral I am giving everyone a stun gun… last person standing, gets all my stuff.”

37. “I’m tired. (T)icked off. (I)rritated. (R)eady to cry. (E)xtremely upset. (D)one.”

38. “Instead of cleaning house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think wow my house looks great!!”

39. “If I actually spoke my mind, I’d be in deep shit!”

40. “For men who think a womans place is in the kitchen. Just remember, thats where the knives are kept”

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41. “I am who I am. I’m weird, I run into things, I spill food, I trip, I laugh about random and stupid stuff. But I like it that way.”

42. “Do not try to play crazy with me… I’m better at it!”

43. “I have seen every episode of CSI, CSI:NY, and NCIS. I can kill you in 15 different ways and make it look like Winnie the pooh did it. Do not irritate me! okay?!”

44. “I’ve used up all my sick days so I’m calling in dead”

45. “I hate how chocolates immediately melt on my fingers. I mean, am I that hot?”

46. “If I manage to survive the rest of the week, I would like my straight jacket in hot pink & my helmet to sparkle.”

47. “Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think…. Oh shit it’s the cops!”

48. “When I call my parents, & they don’t answer it’s no big deal but when they call me & I don’t answer its like world war III.”

49. “Lazy rule no.2: if it falls under the bed. Its lost… forever.”

50. “Farting is like the song from frozen. Work: conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know… at home: let it go! Let it go! Can’t hold it back anymore…”