The Best Funny Sarcastic Quotes And Sarcasm Sayings. Want to stimulate your brain and laugh at the same time? Check out our collection of meaningful, wise, and funny sarcastic quotes that will give you the ultimate list of sarcastic quotes, quoted by some famous people.
1. “Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.”
2. “Hahahahah”
3. “I am fluent in three languages… English, Sarcasm, and profanity.”
4. “Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”
5. “If my jokes offend you: 1. I’m sorry 2. It won’t happen again 3. 1 &2 are both lies 4. You’re a fool.”
6. “My smart mouth always gets me in trouble. And if it’s not my mouth, it’s my facial expressions.”
7. “I didn’t fart my booty blew you a kiss”
8. “One day I was born. Then everything bothered me. And that brings us up to date.”
9. “Well, well, well… look what finally decided to show up. Hello Friday”
10. “Don’t just assume that when I’m angry, I’m on my period. Otherwise, when you’re sleeping I’ll just “Assume” you’re dead and bury you in my backyard.”
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11. “I don’t like morning people or mornings or people”
12. “Sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I said.”
13. “Everything happens for a reason… usually, the reason is some idiot.”
14. “Sometimes I shock myself with the smart stuff I say & do. Then, there are times when I try to get out of the car with my seat belt on”
15. “As you waste your breath complaining about life, someone out there is breathing their last breath. Appreciate what you have.”
16. “Boss: Are you on drugs? Me: You and I both know that you don’t pay me enough to have a drug problem.”
17. “If you show me you don’t give a fuck, I’ll show you that I’m better at it.”
18. “Sometimes I have to tell myself it’s just not worth the jail time.”
19. “Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit!! So proud of myself. It was a scarf. But still, let’s be positive here!”
20. “I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes”
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21. “I’m allergic to stupidity. I break out in sarcasm.”
22. “My boss told me to have a good day – so I went home.”
23. “Work tip: Stand up. Stretch. Take a walk. Go to the airport. Get on a plane. Never return.”
24. “Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Some girls are made of sarcasm, wine, and everything fine.”
25. “Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”
26. “Why was the cook arrested? He was beating an egg.”
27. “I have two moods: 1. Constant panic and worrying about every little detail 2. It is what it is”
28. “Just saw a political argument on Twitter that ended with everyone deciding that they disagreed but respected each other’s opinions”
29. “What doesn’t kill you disappoints me.”
30. “People who reply to my sarcasm with sarcasm”
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31. “They say you are what you eat, but it’s funny because I don’t remember eating a f***ing legend.”
32. “Everyone has the right to be stupid, it’s just that some people abuse the privilege….”
33. “I have to keep reminding myself that I’m an adult and will be charged as one.”
34. “Facebook is like a fridge. You keep checking it, but there’s nothing good.”
35. “I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do.”
36. “I’ve only met about 3 or 4 people that understand me. Everyone else assumes I’m either angry, sarcastic, or just an asshole”
37. “I am strong because I know my weaknesses I am beautiful because I am aware of my flaws I am fearless because I learned to recognize, illusion from real I am wise because I learn from my mistakes I am a lover because I have felt hate and… I can laugh because I have known sadness”
38. “Sarcasm because beating the crap out of people is illegal.”
39. “One morning she woke up different. Done with trying to figure out who was with her, against her, or walking down the middle because they didn’t have the guts to pick aside. She was done with anything that didn’t bring her peace. She realized that opinions were a dime a dozen, validation was for parking, and loyalty wasn’t a word but a lifestyle. It was this day that her life changed. And not because of a man or a job but because she realized that life is way too short to leave the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket.”
40. “Another fine day ruined by responsibility.”
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41. “Hey you! I love you face”
42. “You never learn anything by doing it right.”
43. “I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12 while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.”
44. “I wish that sarcasm was available as a font”
45. “I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.”
46. “I didn’t fart my booty blew you a kiss”
47. “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… she hugged me.”
48. “People keep asking me, “Is COVID-19 really that serious?” Listen to y’all, the casinos and churches are closed. When heaven and hell agree on the same thing, it’s probably pretty serious.”
49. “Dear life, could you at least start using lubricants?”
50. “I am not always rude and sarcastic. Sometimes I’m sleeping.”
Witty and Sarcastic Quotes for Every Cynic Out
51. “I don’t even know what to do with a boyfriend. Like, how often do you feed it? Do you have to walk it?”
52. “You never realize how weird you are until you have a kid, who acts just like you.”
53. “I run off of sarcasm movie quotes”
54. “I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.”
55. “Thanks for the birthday wishes from everyone who noticed my name today in the upper right corner of your Facebook page.”
56. “I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from ‘you probably shouldn’t say that to ‘what the hell, let’s see what happens.’”
57. “My prince is not coming on a white horse. He’s obviously riding a turtle somewhere really confused…”
58. “Coffee is so confident. It’s just a wet bean and it’s like, “I’m worth $5.75, and you need me, bitch.”
59. “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
60. “Don’t judge me cause I’m quiet. No one plans a murder out loud.”
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61. “Beware of sarcasm”
62. “Heard a lot about bathroom singers… But are there any bathroom dancers?”
63. “My level of sarcasm has got to the point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.”
64. “A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…” A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this..”
65. “I may look calm but in my mind, I’ve killed you three times.”
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Most Funniest Quotes which are also sarcastic Here is a collection of some great sarcastic quotes on images